Many women ask for readings to gain clarity about relationships. As a result I have noticed a trend in the past few years that may be detrimental to your relationships- romantic and otherwise. Texting, Facebook messaging and e-mail have made communication handier, but there is always a cost to be paid. The price of quick convenient messaging is, for many women, an onslaught of “Text Anxiety.”
“He doesn’t respond to my texts!” is one of the most common frustrations I hear. Upon further exploration, this often means he doesn’t respond immediately. This points to a basic difference in how people use messaging media. The difference may be found regardless of gender so before assuming “all women” or “all men” do this, let’s just say there are 2 basic attitudes toward messaging.
Attitude #1- “Message received, thanks for the update, I will get to this later…..”
Attitude #2- “Message alert- time for me to respond so we can have an interaction in the moment….”
I have noticed that women who experience “Text Anxiety”, the fear that he isn’t responding quickly enough therefore it must be personal, tend to have the 2nd attitude. They treat a text as an invitation to communicate, whereas the men they are messaging often have the 1st mindset, that a text is the equivalent to a “post it note” and does not require immediate attention.
The attitude toward messaging has a strong impact on whether the sender feels slighted if the receiver doesn’t respond, and the consequences can be more significant than you might initially think. Full scale arguments or even break-ups have resulted over Text Anxiety gone awry. Alone and confused, the woman who sent the text begins to feel anxious about the lack of communication on the other end. She begins to doubt herself, second guess the relationship or even wonder if he is having an affair. This anxiety may be completely unwarranted.
Here are a few helpful tips to help you sort out Text Anxiety.
Observe his attitude toward texting in general- before jumping to the conclusion that his lack of response is personal, reflect on whether he lets messages go from others as well. If he has a lax attitude toward texts, then he isn’t ignoring you specifically, if he jumps to answer every text from every person, but not you, that is a different story.
Did your message warrant a response? If you sent a general message, statement, or comment and did not get a reply, could it be that he did not feel compelled to respond immediately? Again reflect on whether or not this is out of character for him.
Most importantly, take a good look at the role texting plays in your relationship. Part of connection involves attunement of the energy vibration and the connection from face to face or voice contact is MUCH stronger than the connection from texting. Putting it bluntly, there is nothing sexy about your font. Texting is not exclusive behavior, but the look of your face, sound of your voice, body language when you are together are all exclusive to you. So if you want to build a relationship, texting should be reserved for “post it note” type of communication and should not represent the primary means of interaction.
Using text to your advantage
Send messages to remind him you are thinking of him in small doses without expecting an immediate response.
Remember, cell phone messages can be delayed, people run out of minutes and there are a ton of ways text communication can be lost, overlooked, or even misconstrued. Before taking texting to heart, look at the big picture of communication in your relationship.
What are your biggest texting or communication problems in relationships? I would love to hear from you. Trionfi78@gmail.com