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During a recent psychic reading I got a clear sense that my client would find love, but not online. She was relieved to hear this, and echoed what many women have conveyed. Dating online sucks. Bottom line. As a Relationship Psychic and Intuitive Relationship Coach for women, I am continually tuned in to the despair and pain that modern women experience in their quest for love. Let me start by saying I do not condemn online dating, I know successful happy couples who met online. As a tool it has its uses, but it also has many dangers and traps not the least of which is safety. Some of the lesser appreciated traps of online dating are the numerous ways this venue has altered the world of relationships, and can potentially damage personal serenity and self esteem if you are not careful!
Here are a few points to consider before putting your heart out on the internet…
Choices Make People Miserable
Long before “First World Problems” made its debut in the vernacular, the concept underlying this phrase was explained by Social Psychologists. Studies confirmed that people who are raised to think they can “be anything they want” or who are given myriad options, exhibited greater experiences of depression and anxiety and dissatisfaction with life, while those living in cultures emphasizing tradition over personal choices and options, reported greater life satisfaction. Counterintuitive to the assumption that choices make us happy, it would seem that choices paralyze us with fear. Anxiety over picking the “wrong” option and ruminating over regrets of what might have been for example.
What does this have to do with cyberdating? You log into a site, pay your dues, and are given many, many many options. As you are exploring one option, perhaps you are simultaneously contacted by several others, as are the people you are getting to know. This takes place in a detached, impersonal setting (more on that later) and the mind is overloaded with possibilities. Suddenly, searching for a partner becomes less about attraction and personal intuition and more like shopping for a can of soup at a Wal Mart Supercenter. Chicken Noodle, Minestrone, Low Sodium, Organic? When faced with aisles and aisles of variations of the same thing with little to distinguish them, how does one decide? I want Vegetable Barley, but will I be dissatisfied if I don’t get the Hearty Chili?
So it is no wonder that people struggle to find commitment or even make their own choices when faced with so many options in such an artificial setting, relying on the logical mind to make the decision. At least with soup there are rational factors that aid in the process of elimination. Diet, budget, craving, preference, it is easier to narrow down. Relationships however? Much more complicated, plus you never know if what is inside the can matches what is on the label…
I suspect this plays a role in the anxiety many face when it comes to commitment and dating. Often people who come to me for readings have a list of names of people they have met, seeking my assistance in energetically tuning in to read the various energies and potentials associated with each relationship. I am of course happy to do so, that is my job. What alarms me however is the frequency with which clients seek a “read” on a connection they are personally not feeling drawn to. They feel as if the 3 guys who contacted them are their only option, so they better figure out which is the best.
For more in this series click here.