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Initiation Into Singlehood Part 2

(Continued from Initiation to Singlehood)

Take Time for Yourself

As important as community is, it is also essential to give yourself time to go deep into your healing process. This is contrary to our typical response of self distraction. So much insight and release has occurred through journal writing, ritual and reflection, and this would not happen if I did not create empty space to allow it.

Ritual

In the weeks following the breakup, I spent quite a bit of time talking (and some time yelling at) my Ancestors. I used rituals to release and heal.

Ritual is not just about manifesting a sports car. It is about helping us with the heavy lifting in daily life. I was fortunate to participate in a Grief Ritual in the Dagara tradition. The process of ritual and community during that delicate time was incredible. The process involved full body release of emotion through dancing, chanting, and crying in any way one was moved to emote, as well as other guided stages of release. Even if you aren’t able to participate in a ritual like this, seek out practices and opportunities to let the energy move through you.

Set Each Other Free

I had to decide which was more important- the image I had of where we were headed as a couple or the unconditional love for another human being. Choosing to release us from the energy of partnership brought a grief process of its own, as well as acknowledgment that unkept promises have nothing to do with abandonment, rather with a change of heart and circumstances. People are allowed to change.

Forgive

In your timing, when you are ready, consider forgiveness not as excusing the wrongs done by another, but as a means of releasing yourself and your significant other from the energetic tie to old wounds. This concept has connotations to religious doctrine as well as difficult feelings. We wonder, if we forgive, are we selling ourselves short? Working on forgiveness has helped me to appreciate the humanity of both of us, while also clearing the energy of resentment.

Learn

Relationships are valuable teachers. Sometimes the lessons are blissful,  sometimes they suck.

Nurture yourself. Allow the complex layers of truth to surface. For me this included the painful realization that I had missed many opportunities to nurture and support someone I cared deeply about, walking a fine line between insight and blame. Blame feels more empowering, which is perhaps why we do it so much. But it is a false empowerment. Instead I used this time to consciously connect with the Inner Queen of Cups for healing and compassion.

Continue to Love

People can love each other in separation. What if we were willing to release the “ownership” paradigm of relationship and embrace a continuum of unconditional love? This also allows us to remain open to love even in our pain, rather than seeking love as a salve to relieve pain.

Let the Process Unfold

I’m excited about the initiation, and have come to appreciate singlehood.

People often ask for guidance to find their future partner. Fear propels us toward outlets we don’t like such as dating websites or bars. That may work for some folks, but attraction is based on your own energy. If bars, dating sites, etc. do not bring out the best of your energy, focus instead on the places and situations that do.

In the mean time, make the most of your initiation.